It started with a seemingly innocent hop on the bandwagon, but ended with a gruesome twist. Andrea Dioli of Manayunk suffered an intense episode of “empty-mindedness” during a yoga session last month, and has not shown any signs of recovery.
“I think we’ve lost her,” said Dr. Bob Jones, a neurology specialist at Bryn Mawr Hospital. “She’s one of the most airheaded cases I’ve ever encountered.”
“The idle mind is the devil’s playground,” remarked Paul Dioli, Andrea’s father.
Andrea’s mother, Carol Dioli, holds herself partially responsible. “I have posted countless articles about the sinfulness of yoga on my Facebook, but our Andrea didn’t Like a single one,” she said. “I knew we should never have let her move out of the house in the first place.”
“We get these all too often,” adds Dr. Jones. “It’s an epidemic that is completely preventable. I urge everyone to consult their doctor and their God before attempting any sort of yoga things.”
“I’m not sure what the big deal is,” said Andrea from her hospital bed. “I feel more aware of myself and my surroundings, and I’m not constantly worrying about the way my hair looked last week. I don’t think of it as an empty mind, but as mindfulness. And for some reason my parents and the doctor are talking to me as if I’m in a coma.”
Andrea’s parents will be seeking criminal charges against the yoga instructor responsible.
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