Normcore Restaurant to Open in Old City

In a city known for its hip and stylish restaurants, Jennifer Hall is bringing a fresh idea to Philadelphia this fall: a boring restaurant.

“Salads without kale, pizza without toppings, and pasta without sauce,” mumbled Hall during an interview last week.

Taking a page from an insignificant fashion movement called Normcore, Hall wants to offer an experience that differs from what she sees as the “corporate appropriation of the artisanal Philadelphia food culture.”

“Are those even real words?” asks regular Yelp user Walter K., who currently boasts the status Duke of Sabrina’s Cafe (south Philly location). “That’s the most pretentious shit I’ve heard. I’m not remotely interested.”

Hall has heard dozens of such comments from prominent foodies in Philadelphia, but says she’s not discouraged by them. “I’m not looking to make a profit,” she explains; “I’m trying to create a space that people can eat, safe from mainstream counter-culture. My target customers would be a group of four friends who meet for lunch each day, arguing about petty things like Junior Mints, man hands, and buttons.”

At the time of publication, Hall insists that the restaurant will not have a name.