Despite being the name of their cause and a foundational tenet of their beliefs, a new study released by Pew Research Center today reveals that most self-identified members of the Tea Party movement actually prefer coffee.
The study surveyed 1,046 Tea Party supporters and discovered that an alarming 89% preferred to wake up to a cup of joe than a nice, hot cup of Earl Grey.
The news has baffled political scholars. “Do they also have biscuits with their coffee? Do they prefer black coffee or white coffee? Which blend is most popular? There are so many new questions, the textbooks will need to be rewritten,” says Nigel Oldershaw, a political scientist at George Washington University.
The Pew Study also revealed that most Tea Party supporters believe that coffee is “more American” than tea. 68% of responders agreed with the statement “tea is only for those English pricks”, while a startling 93% agreed that “American runs on Dunkin.”
The Tea Party movement was founded in 2007, and its name is an acronym for Taxed Enough Already. When asked for comment, the movement’s leaders, Charles G. and David H. Koch, admitted to having plans of revising the name to Cut Out Federal Funding Except Essentials.
